I was challenged by a colleague to start a discussion on dating outside of one's religion.
We all know we have challenges in life when it comes to relationships. We already have to deal with the challenge of finding someone - if that is what you are called to do in this life - but then when you find someone who meets your initial expectations you have to realize that there may be limitations If you type “Dating outside of your religion” into Google’s search bar you'd be amazed at the search responses you'd find.
The consensus is however - it doesn't work.
But is there any merit in the statement "dating outside your religion is not advisable?” Are there real and concrete reasons outside of the "excuse" that people of different faiths and/or religions ought NOT to date?
The survey says - it's because of how we want to raise our children.
That I imagine is reason number 1 why two people of either fundamentally different faiths or religions will not date.
Now, maybe we should commend the adults of this world who are thinking about the future of their children. It could mean that they take dating very seriously and see dating as the first stage to a marriage where they will be fruitful and multiply; and when they do multiply they want zero confusion for their children. Great! We understand that!
So what do we say to the family where the father is Catholic and the mother is Anglican? They have three children who were brought up in the Catholic church and the parents have been married for thirty-five years, and from the look of things, they will be married until death do they part.
Are we to assume that people who were married before 1950 regardless of their religion simply respect marriage and will not dear break that vow regardless of religious differences?
I could go on asking question after question
Would religion matter to you in your choice for a dating partner
2 comments:
ok hil, i never respond to your blog but you've got me on this one.
i think we need to define religion in this context. there is a huge difference between dating outside one's religion and dating outside one's denomination. the example of the home where one parent is Anglican and the other is Catholic is a perfect example of dating outside of one's denomination. that brings a certain level of conflict but it's surmountable once the couple understand they are both christians and are serving the same God. i'm sure you'll agree with me that it's a totally different situation when a devout Hindu dates a devout Christian. A Hindu may be able to accept Christ as another god in addition to his 300 plus gods but can a devout Christian really accept lakshmi and shiva as gods?
one also needs to realise that our religion (if one actively practices it) affects the way we view the world. for example the christian child learns in Sunday school or Sabbath school that everyone is created in God's image and likeness and that God has a specific plan for everyone's life hence making it difficult for the christian adult to easily kill someone or deliberately make them feel worthless. certain sects of Islam however see no problem in killing anyone who they view as standing in the way of the spread of their religion because certain religious leaders have taught them that such individuals should be anihilated.
if you think that example is extreme, let's consider the hidu who believes in reincarnation and the christian who doesn't. my sister told me a story where a hindu guy tells his son "Don't worry. Daddy is just paying for something he did in a past life" as his wife kicks him out of the house. now his religion has taught him
if everything is going wrong it's because of past sins and he just has to endure it, who knows maybe in his next life it'll get better! imagine his being married to a christian woman who interprets the difficulties the family is going through as something God can change now and fights both spiritually and in the natural to see that change. it won't be long before they both get into huge arguments over the way they both chose to respond to their life's trials.
lots of young people date outside of their religion and don't see it as a problem. the tables turn however as we become older and our expectations change in relationships. we're no longer looking for someone to go to football matches with and just hang out with but we're thinking of potential husbands and fathers of our children. at this stage in our lives we should also be more spiritually mature and a lot more passionate about God so it's the stage in our lives where religion should be a major issue in our relationships.
we must also admit that even a relationship where both individuals are of the same religion and even the same denomination can experience a lot of difficulty if one person is actively and passionately pursuing God and the other is simply content to go through the rituals and not delve into the experience. the Bible says " Be ye not unequally yoked with unbelievers" but as i always tell the young people in my bible study at school we can also be unequally yoked with believers. it's extremely important that our friends and especially our boyfriends help us accomplish what we were sent on this Earth to do. if a relationship is drawing you away from God there's only one thing to do.
i've reached the point in my life where i will not get into a relationship unless i'm convinced it's God's will. i'm not even dating the guys who don't believe in Christ or who are not commited to Him. it's a waste of my time, don't you think?
I am tickled by your choice of topics. My view on the matter centres on how we understand and construct an understanding of fundamentally different religions. Fundamental differences speak to the core tenets of the the belief system which is then supposed to give life to the way we live, interact with persons, and to use your example raise our children. Therefore religions like Anglican and Catholic are not funadamentally different. They share enough (a common history , a common belief in a Trinity and a risen saviour) to facilitate some ease of engagement over a life time, because in essence they are built on similar principles, and require their followers to work out their humanity along similar lines.
The challenge is when we are coming from an understanding of faith that is premised on completely different truths. This happens in two ways though-
when our religions are binary opposites
When our understanding of, and the beliefs we practice are in opposition
The first is a straight religion thing. That is easy, and at times we tend to end there in our understanding of what we christians flippantly referto as being unequally yoked. But I believe the inequality does not end there, and we need to deepen these discussion towards the creation of an understanding of the other.
The other is more complex, and it may happen while we are both in the same faith, attending the same services, apparently praising the same God. The fact is it is not a religion thing. It is at heart a working out of a relationship between ourselves and our God and how that fashions our existence. The fact is we could be in the same religion and be committed to working out our hamanity in completely different ways (it may sound strange but it happens). It is what informs the core of our being and that of the person you partner with, that determines the quailty relationship you forge. This is a foundational and goes beyond the inside/outside of my religion discourse that we become burdened with. I would stop here.
D
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